Winter

It's a cold winter morning.

On the porch, there she sits silently
all wrapped up in woolens, her breath steaming up
as it comes out of her mouth
the cold around her seems to be warmer,

warmer than her cold heart
- a heart laced in ice 
at least the ice keeps glued together 
the broken pieces, though the splinters
 
pierce her soul in every puffed out breath;
Maybe, she is tired of forging a new one now 
or all her warmth has consumed her somehow;
it is repulsive at times, - nauseating

to feel so deeply, to feel the warmth 
entangle her cold heart - repetitively 
and it tires her soul, 
- this seemingly infinite loop

letting it melt, and forge a whole and renewed toy
to be shattered all over again?
it is soul-cringing at times, -disgusting even
to let someone hold it, leaving fresh finger prints

the marks - enchanting at first, until 
they become a grasp around the neck, a choke 
then the clutch converts to an unbearable struggle
and a crush to pieces; she lets the shreds harden

frozen to piercing icicles, 
for this might be the memory 
that punctures this never ending cycle
that saves her from falling in this trap again;

let these bits be a reminder
- a warning; of what happens when
 she lets the guard down, 
in search of a hand to hold on to; 

the yearning to share her soul, her life
returns to haunt her again
it breaks her further, as if a slow sacrifice
to the goddess of love, 

and the goddess mocks her,
or maybe her fears somehow pollute this sacrifice;
oh how she is scared to see her own reflection
for she might not recognize 

the stranger staring back from the mirror, 
how she might regret
the way she auctioned pieces of herself,
in search of this warmth; 

- a yearning, that she refuses 
to accept as her own,
that the world convinced her somehow
was the way it was supposed to be;

and in spite of knowing it all
having lived, having been broken 
then put together, and then broken again, 
oh how she longs for someone to melt those shards

forge a new heart for her,
and keep it safe with a warm clasp
tenderly and softly, to let her 
breathe-in, a warm calming last breath.